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Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements

Four times!  Watching the game at home no less, and four times I heard Rasheed Wallace say "Ball don't lie" after a missed free throw.  In case you are unfamiliar, Old Grey-Spot unleashes his catchphrase after an opponent misses a free throw garnered via a dubious foul call on the Pistons.  And Rashkie, much like, well, every Spur except maybe Matt Bonner, finds every call that doesn't break his way quite very fucking dubious.  Therefore the ball, out of some need to right the wrongs of this world, starting with one bad call at a time, casts itself asunder.
First off, Mr. Wallace, a more grammatically correct statement would be "Ball doesn't lie."  And, if you'd be so kind as to humor me, throw a "the" at the beginning.  And trying switching it up occasionally:  "The ball, being a spheroid of utmost integrity, refuses to allow this transgression to stand."

Secondly, and this may be hard for you to hear Shee-Shee, the ball, uh, it doesn't uh... it's just a ball.  It doesn't have the ability to reason, to judge right from wrong, truth from falsehood.  It doesn't have hopes or dreams.  It does not cry or poop.  It never sleeps in.  It's not alive, Sheed.  I mean, yeah, it can bounce, but that's because it's round, made of elastic material and filled with air.  When you throw the ball at the ground it does not make the choice to come back to you Sheedums.  It's coefficients of restitution, not affection.  PV=nRT, not devotion.

---

During the game the Detroit broadcasters mentioned that the Spurs and Pop were trying to get Elson to shoot more.  Terrific.  First Finley and now this.  Is there anyone told to shoot less?  Let's start running iso's for Oberto.  Let him go to work.

As President and Founding Member of the Ginobili Man Love Club I seriously considered putting out an APB on his whereabouts.  Then the last four minutes of the fourth quarter happened.  Still, something's not right.  And whatever that something is, I DEMAND that it be fixed.  By Sunday, when I'll be attendance here in Seattle.  Section 124, row 1.  Check it:


OMG I'll be able to smell Ray Allen's perfume from here!

I swear to God, if Manu doesn't play I'm streaking the court...

Stampler said I should wear a white lab coat and bring a sign that says "Ray Allen's OB-GYN."  Oh, if only I had the guts.  Anyone else have a brilliant idea?

Needless to say I'll attempt to take a bunch of blurry pictures and I'll be sure to post them... along with a recap that will probably be more about the quality of Chris Wilcox' corn-rows than the game itself.

0 recs | Comment 13 comments

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Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
Wow, you mean NBA players actually use the same phrase I have heard while playing, I mean trying to play basketball? Awesome. I've read somewhere that every time KG blocks a shot he says, and I qoute,"Get that shit outta here". Truly inspiring.

by Hipuks on Mar 24, 2007 2:57 AM CDT   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
Not nearly as classy as the Admiral's "Not in my neighborhood!"  Then again, it's also not quite as corny.

by davidpj24 on Mar 24, 2007 12:49 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
btw check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPQVew0L0Vg

you matthew, are way better at explaining phenomenons of this world, like a ball, then say a mister bryant kobe is.

massive boisson aka chicken

by massive boisson on Mar 24, 2007 10:35 AM CDT   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
btw great seats.

and dont worry for manu, if he dont play, you have way better chance to see james white play. wouldn't this be what you want.... ?

ok, ha ha, sorry.

massive boisson aka chicken

by massive boisson on Mar 24, 2007 10:49 AM CDT   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
In terms of Elson shooting more, I believe Pop is just trying to get him to shoot it more when he's open, instead of driving into a crowd and likely, well, definitely causing a turnover.  It's not like with Finley where Pop believes he's a pure shooter and has to keep his confidence going or whatever.

Regardless, in light of Frankie's fast break dunk against the Pacers, I refuse to complain about any Spur wearing a no. 16 jersey at the present time.

by davidpj24 on Mar 24, 2007 12:53 PM CDT   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
And I'm definitely jealous of those seats, even in light of the classless company you'll be keeping.

by davidpj24 on Mar 24, 2007 12:54 PM CDT   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
Stampler said I should wear a white lab coat and bring a sign that says "Ray Allen's OB-GYN."  Oh, if only I had the guts.  Anyone else have a brilliant idea?

Personally, I think a sign which says "President and Founder of the Ginobili Man Love Club" would require roughly as much in the guts department as the Ob/Gyn sign.

...think maybe John Amaechi might sign up after?

chaos... panic... pandemonium... my work here is done.

by rick2g on Mar 24, 2007 1:30 PM CDT   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
I don't know about your balls, but mine can.  Usually they either ask to be washed or complain about wanting to be touched by someone else with softer hands.  I tried using moisturizer but that didn't fool them at all. "Hey fucktard, you think we're stupid or something?"

There is no greater shame than being caught red handed trying to pull a fast one on your own balls.  I have to listen to my i-pod 24-7 just to drown out their derisive laughter and merciless taunts.  I don't know how many more times I can listen to "Karma Chameleon" without stabbing myself.

by Aaronstampler on Mar 24, 2007 3:07 PM CDT   1 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
I have a soft spot for masturbation jokes.  Or, should I say a hard spot.

Giggity giggity... oh yeah.

by Matthew Powell on Mar 24, 2007 3:13 PM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
Maybe it's just because I'm drunk, but that was one brilliant piece of idiocy.  Classic.  I want to take a picture and frame it.  It's easily among the most useless thing's I've ever observed... far more irrelevant than anything even the venerated Will Farrell produced.
chaos... panic... pandemonium... my work here is done.

by rick2g on Mar 25, 2007 12:40 AM CDT to parent up   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
What fucking pass by manu between Lewis legs!!!

by adam8065 on Mar 25, 2007 8:51 PM CDT   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
Manu should be our damn point guard. He always finds the open man!

by adam8065 on Mar 25, 2007 9:43 PM CDT   0 recs

Re: Balls Cannot Make Declarative Statements
damn...i've been reading this site for a while.

i was sitting in section 124 as well. row 19 though.  should've checked this earlier so then at least i couldve asked you for a pin or something so the world would know of my man love for Ginobili

cheers

by downtowntb on Mar 25, 2007 11:11 PM CDT   0 recs

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